With Valentine’s coming up next week– let’s chat about romance! There have been times in my life that I am completely disconnected from my spouse. Also, there have been times when we cannot get enough of each other. I have lived on either side of the spectrum and in the middle. We have been trying really hard lately to get into that “really connected” space again. Let me tell you– it takes work. You can read this list below and think those are the most simple things, but let me tell you… when the kids are screaming, the phone is ringing and you have to feed 100 people. It’s hard to remember the needs of the other!
1. You’re on the same team
Find common interests that are simple so when it feels like you are agreeing on nothing, you have something easy to access that feels agreeable. Maybe it’s home projects, cooking together or finding the best gummy bear ever (Albanese, duh.) Something simple that signifies an outward expression of, “look! we have something together.”
Watch a funny show. Share memes with the other. Be silly. Let down your walls and laugh with each other. It’s amazing how fast the energy will lighten!
3. Look at your partner different
Instead of looking at your partner’s flaws as setbacks – consider them as the strengths you do not yet possess. Honor their movement through the universe and they will honor yours. Different movements allow for different perspectives.
Therapy is for any marriage/relationship. Even if yours is good – communication makes it better. I view therapy as saying to myself and to Andrew when times get rough – “I’m not giving up and neither are you.” I used to think therapy was for the weak and unhappy, but I was wrong! Therapy is for the most brave and courageous souls who admit we can not always do it alone and who seek to refine their relationships and live in more joy. Plus, therapy is cool!
5. You’re a power couple
Believe that. Work together and not against each other and the entire world is yours to take over. Recently Andrew and I could not seem to get on the same page about something and I simply started the conversation with “we both want the same thing for our family, so let’s work together towards it.” That message changed the entire energy and promoted a peaceful conversation.
😎 Things can be hot, weird, non existent and a number of other emotions, but never ignore what’s happening. Keep talking about it. So.much.talking. I’ve got a blog post to help you out here my friend! Get to touching each other!
7. Fill silence with truth
Don’t wait for your spouse to fulfill your imaginary needs. Take your power back and speak what you desire. No games, just the honest truth. If you’re waiting for someone to read your mind, you’ll be pretty disappointed. I asked Andrew what he thought and he said this “Relationships are only as good as the effort we put into them. I’m not always great at putting forth enough effort all the time, but I know the formula. Love is as much a decision as it is a feeling or state of being.”
8. Celebrate each other
The big wins, the little ones. Be each other’s biggest fan. What you speak becomes truth, so always speak light.
9. Show up
Be the person you know your partner can count on. Trust is essential to a relationship that feels authentic. This is who you bring romance back– you trust that the other person is going to show up for you. It’s the sexiest thing out there!
10. Believe in something
For us it’s God. Have a source of light and love that can help guide you. And maybe, all you have is each other. That is enough. Believe in them.
11. Serve together
Loving others will help in loving each other. This can pull you out of the funk of focusing on yourself and only seeing what you’re lacking. You’re blessed more than you realize!
12. Don’t give up
When it feels like you can’t understand your partner’s perspective, keep asking questions. In the answers you will find (even if you still disagree) better ways to love and show up for them.
13. Go on dates
Continue to date your partner. You all are both changing and evolving. Date that person! Get to know them!
14. This above all else
Believe you are worth loving. If things aren’t as you want them, remember you have the power to change it. Once you let down the walls you’ve put up against love, you will be open to receive it ❤️