This week we celebrated Ruby Faye in every way! Little sis turned a big ONE year old & it felt big & emotional & fast & everything inbetween. If you didn’t catch all these “parts” on Instagram— I put them all together for you here! This birth was everything that I needed to add a bookend to my babies.
PS: I plan on sharing ALL of Ruby’s birthday party details this week on the blog so watch for it, okay? I only went sliiiiightly overboard and I can easily say it was THE most extravagant first birthday i’ve ever thrown— but, what’s a party with food, flowers and balloons annnd 2 cakes!
But, I did want to have a place to story Ruby’s full birth day story, so she’ll know every year how special she has always been.
So, thank you for letting me have that space.
THE BIRTH OF RUBY FAYE RAMMELL
PART 1: It is the eve of Ruby’s birthday and I am all kinds of melancholy as I reflect on the night she was born, the pregnancy and this lightening fast first year. And for the first time ever I am ready to share her birth story. It has taken me time to want to share this sacred event but tonight feels fitting as I consider all we’ve been blessed with this past year. So here’s part 1 of Ruby Faye: September 2, 2018 was a Sunday and I was 36 weeks 6 days. It was the longest I’d ever been pregnant and I needed a weekend away to get my time off things so I dragged our family and cousins up to Snowbird. We had walked around a bunch the day before and I of course had contractions but I always do so didn’t think too much about it. But on that Sunday morning I woke up and told Andrew “I’m going to have this baby today.” He of course rolled his eyes and said in annoyed anticipation “you say that every day!” We both laughed. We went about our day taking the kids swimming and then eventually to Sunday dinner with more family. At about 5:30pm sitting there I knew the contractions were beginning to feel different. That familiar ache was there and my sister Kate could see it in my face and asked “are you in labor?” I knew I wasn’t progressed too far, I thought maybe a 3 but because of #lollybirthstory I was very anxious about getting to the hospital. I knew ruby was coming and so I left my kids and we went to the hospital. Andrew is sure we are going to get turned away and do the walk of shame, I’m determined not to. We walk up to Labor and delivery and I pick up the phone, they let me in. I immediately tell the nurse “look this baby isn’t crowning and I’m probably only a 3 but I know you’re gonna want to turn me away and I’m going to tell you you can’t because once I hit a 5 I’m done and I can’t have this baby in my car.” She just looked at me and said …“okay.”
PART 2: I feel like before I can continue I have to confront a post I’ve wanted to for a long time. Early on in my pregnancy I decided I wanted to get an epidural this time. It was a hard feeling for me to shake. Having gone unmedicated and so empowered by that experience I felt like I was part of a club that I would betray if I went back to an epidural. Or that I would be weak and feel ashamed. I finally had the courage to talk to my midwife Kathryn who had delivered Jude and helped to nurture me through that unmedicated birth about my feelings. She was SO supportive and understood. She gave me so much love, comfort and support. It was what I needed. Lolly’s birth was traumatizing but especially so for Andrew. I wasn’t even in the room when I had her, it felt like I left my body and was so panicked. Andrew was scared for my health. We needed Ruby’s entrance to be different. To be slow. To be healing and present for both of us. And this was the way we knew we could do that. True empowerment to me is when you have the intuition and courage to advocate for your own health and birth desire. That was probably my favorite part about this fourth baby, I just felt confident in my body’s abilities and wasn’t afraid of what I needed for me. I was anxious the entire pregnancy that we wouldn’t make it to the hospital in time and I was just SO relieved we did. After months of throwing up, severe sciatic pain and depression I didn’t need to be the hero anymore. I heard God tell me, “it’s okay to have help” and so I took it.
PART 3: nurses put me in triage and I am dilated to a 3 and having 3 min contractions. They tell me they’ll wait 1 hr and check again so I pace and keep moving even though I’m so tired. My body LOVES contractions so I know I could do this at home or here but I know this baby is coming and there’s no way in hell I am leaving. Andrew has a fantasy football draft so he is on his computer and we are laughing at how his life just goes on…
nurse comes back and checks and I’ve progressed a bit but not enough. I call my midwife. She says she’s coming based on the contractions and that we are not leaving without this baby, the tears overflow. I don’t stop crying the entire labor. I’m not sure if I ever really let on to the deep darkness of this pregnancy, every day felt like 100 years. I just couldn’t believe it would be over so soon.
I had done it.
I labored another hour waiting for Kathryn and pacing, finally she came and I was a 4 – I’m admitted!! By the time we get back to the room and settled I am a 5 and Kathryn asks if I want the epidural before my water breaks and I enthusiastically say YES! Once my water breaks I’m usually 20 min away from a baby. It’s scary to get the epidural but once it kicks in I’m SO relieved. They make them now I guess where you can still feel a lot and in fact I was like can we pump this up but we couldn’t …
we all thought I’d slow down after this point and I think it’s around 11 maybe? Andrew is hungry and I’m like omg go get a burger I’m fine. He’s assured we have time. 20 min later I’m like uhhhh you guys the baby is coming.
Fortunately my Photog and now birthing coach @lizzyography is there with me and together we are about to have our first baby. Love you, lizzy.
All the nurse does is open the sheet and says “ya you need to get Andrew here” we call him frantically and he’s stuck in a drive thru line. He races back to us, the room is prepped and he smells like French fries. And at exactly 1:00am September 3, Ruby Faye is born after 3 pushes and no pain. At one point Kathryn said “open your eyes!” I had forgotten I could actually be there. Ruby’s birth was healing, redemptive, peaceful, everything we’d prayed for.
Thanks for reading all of this friend! This is incredibly emotional to share. This is one of those sacred moments that you have that you treasure in your heart forever.